Back in July 2015, when another infection entered my foot, the nurse at my podiatrist said i should just have my leg amputated and my life would be so much better. She said it with such easy and completely without feeling towards what i was going through.
It was very hurtful ... and she didn't care. Or understand.
Since having my leg amputated, life has been so lonely and incomplete. Long days and sleepless nights at the adult rehab. Sofa bound at home, watching life through Facebook, Instagram and the view from our sliding doors to our backyard, watching the squirrels playing.
Emotionally, i am really struggling. Thoughts of suicide creep in too often.
The other night, i awoke and needed to go to the bathroom. i lost my balance, using my walker and hopping on one foot, and landed on my stump. Thankfully i didn't do further damage, but now i am scared to get up and move around anywhere.
i'm trying to stay hopeful, but it truly is not easy.
If the wound has healed enough, i am hopeful to get my leg back and begin living again next week.
Before that, Devon and i will be going grocery shopping. i truly hate getting onto the motorized cart and going through the store. Like when i used a wheelchair, people don't see me when i am sitting so low. So i sit there, while they block the aisle.
i hate having to rely on Devon for simple things and not being able to do what i had always done without even thinking about it.
Everybody always says that this is just a temporary setback. But this is what i am living now and have been for several months ... i don't see myself having the emotional strength to go on much longer like this.
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