Inspiring

i have had many setbacks recently

On the 23rd of December, i finally got my leg back

Doing some minor basic things

A very short time with the leg on

December 25 the nurse came over and we decided it'd be

best that i didn't wear the leg again for awhile

The wound opened up AGAIN

i don't know when

(sometimes i think if)

i will get the leg back and start living

Getting so depressed i question if i can go on

And then i see a picture life this

i am inspired

Finally a NEW post

i haven't been posting anything because i have just been overwhelmingly depressed because of this situation.

Twice a week, the nurse would come over to check my wound and i kept hearing "it's almost there".  But never close enough where i could get my leg back.  Five months i have been dealing with this, feeling very alone, gaining weight from lack of activity and truly questioning how much more i could handle.

Well, today, December 21, 2015, i may finally get my leg back.

Devon has been in China since the beginning of December, i only see my nurse twice a week, my neighbor for a few moments when she brings me the mail and sometimes the mailman, when i am sitting in the doorway feeding the squirrels.  Otherwise, i'm online, watching TV and spending a lot of time realizing how much of life i am missing.

Today could be the day when things finally start changing.  i have a long list of things i want to do, places i want to go and i just want to be able to go upstairs.  i want to live again.

How Much Longer?

When i lost my leg in late July, i was told i would walking by late August.  But the wound opened, i was sent to an adult rehab for 20 days and have been sofa bound until October 29 when i got my leg.  But after a few days, with the wound not fully healed, the wound opened again.  And i have been sofa bound even longer.

i know the nurses care, they are waiting for the wound to fully heal before i try the leg again.  My emotions are really struggling.  i refuse to cry, but i really want to.

i've missed my summer.  i've my favorite season, fall.  Winter/holidays are going by quickly.  i figured i would be healed and walking by now, so i ordered concert tickets, but now i am unable to go.  i've gained weight again because of the depression and being unable to get around.

i'm so damn lonely. Devon has returned to China for a months visit.  Our neighbor picks up our mail and stays very briefly.  The nurse comes twice a week to change my bandages, i flood her with my talking because i just miss human contact.

Once i finally get my leg back (next week hopefully) and no one home to take care of, i'll be out and about, with my camera.  Making up for much lost time.  Being able to do the basic things around the house that i can't do now from a chair or able to balance myself on one foot.

i just want to live again before i die.