April 30, 2016

i feel clean!!!

i feel human!!!

i feel pretty!!!

The last time i took a shower was in late July 2015 ... until today. Since i've had my leg these few days, i have been extremely careful what i do and how long i where it. Because i never looked at the amputation wound while it was healing, i'm not sure what i am looking at now. In the back of my mind, because of all the other times it has re-opened, i'm scared.

But the other day i put the bench inside the shower and this morning i took a deep breath and went in. That first jet of water was cold, but as soon as it warmed up, i didn't want to leave.

i stayed in there until the water was luke warm, just before it went cold. Dried myself off, put the leg back on and stopped out. And i feel so wonderful.

Anyone who knows me enough wont be surprised, but i did start crying. These days my life is focused on the small achievements and this one was huge for me.

Next time you're in the shower, take a moment to appreciate that moment and feel blessed to be able to do this easily and of course the feeling of the warmth of the water.

SADDI taught to appreciate the simple things in life ... and i am still learning.

Why Should a Diabetic Exercise?

Experts recommend physical activity or exercise of moderate intensity for at least 30 minutes on five or more days of the week. Some examples of moderate-intensity physical activity are walking briskly, hiking, climbing stairs, mowing the lawn, dancing, swimming, taking an aerobics class, bicycling, or participating in other sports.

If you are not accustomed to physical activity, you may want to start with a little exercise, and work your way up longer or more intense workouts. As you become stronger, you can add a few extra minutes to your physical activity. Do some physical activity every day. It is better to walk 10 or 20 minutes each day than one hour once a week.

Talk to your physician about a safe exercise plan for your situation.  They may check your heart and your feet to be sure you have no special problems. If you have high blood pressure, eye, or foot problems, you may need to avoid some types of exercise or workouts.

Exercising with Diabetes

Walking vigorously, hiking, climbing stairs, swimming, aerobics, dancing, bicycling, skating, skiing, tennis, basketball, volleyball, or other sports are just some examples of physical activity that will work your large muscles, increase your heart rate, and make you breathe harder - important goals for fitness.

In addition, strength training exercises with hand weights, elastic bands, or weight machines can help you build muscle. Stretching helps to make you flexible and prevent soreness after other types of exercise.

Do physical activities you really like. The more fun you have, the more likely you will do it each day. It can be helpful to exercise with a family member or friend.

Exercise Safely with Diabetes

Exercise is very important for people with diabetes to stay healthy, but there are a few things to watch out for.

You should avoid some kinds of physical activity if you have certain diabetes complications. Exercise involving heavy weights may be bad for people with blood pressure, blood vessel, or eye problems. Diabetes-related nerve damage can make it hard to tell if you've injured your feet during exercise, which can lead to more serious problems. If you do have diabetes complications, your health care provider can tell you which kinds of physical activity would be best for you. Fortunately, there are many different ways to get exercise.

Physical activity can lower your blood glucose too much, causing hypoglycemia, especially in people who take insulin or certain oral medications. Hypoglycemia can happen at the time you're exercising, just afterward, or even up to a day later. You can get shaky, weak, confused, irritable, anxious, hungry, tired, or sweaty. You can get a headache, or even lose consciousness.

To help prevent hypoglycemia during physical activity, check your blood glucose before you exercise. If it's below 100, have a small snack. In addition, bring food or glucose tablets with you when you exercise just in case. It is not good for people with diabetes to skip meals at all, but especially not prior to exercise. After you exercise, check to see how it has affected your blood glucose level. If you take insulin, ask your health care provider if there is a preferable time of day for you to exercise, or whether you should change your dosage before physical activity, before beginning an exercise regimen.

On the other hand, you should not exercise when your blood glucose is very high because your level could go even higher. Do not exercise if your blood glucose is above 300, or your fasting blood glucose is above 250 and you have ketones in your urine.

When you exercise, wear cotton socks and athletic shoes that fit well and are comfortable. After you exercise, check your feet for sores, blisters, irritation, cuts, or other injuries.

Drink plenty of fluids during physical activity, since your blood glucose can be affected by dehydration.

Diabetes

Yes, you will have to make different life choices. Yes, you should have made them sooner. But this is now ... really all that you have. So wake up in the morning and realize you can make a difference to bettering you. Start off slow and each day do a little more and then more and then more. Each day it will get easier. It took many years to get you to this point in your life, it's not going to change over night.

Y U M M Y

All my life, i have suffered from an extreme desire for sweets. And that has put me in the situation that i am in today.

Recently, my neighbor went to the grocery store for me and came back with items i needed as well as a treat. The Murray Sugar-free cookies were amazingly delicious. i swear, i had to look at the packaging a couple of times to ensure they were sugar-free.

If you need to satisfy your own sweet tooth, but also need to watch your blood sugar numbers and stay healthy, this product will surely fulfill your desires.

The Joys of Being a Diabetic

The joys of low blood sugar ... i awoke in the middle of the night, needing to go to the bathroom (another joy of getting older). As i got up onto the walker, i realized my blood sugar was low. i was weak and a little dizzy. Hopping along the few feet to the bathroom, i wasn't sure i would even make it. Lifting myself from the toilet, i almost fell over. i stood there for a few moments, balancing myself on one leg. i hopped into the next room and sat at the kitchen island chair (basically where i sit all day waiting for my stump wound to heal).

i started sweating, so i shifted the chair into the bathroom and checked my blood sugar. 98. Getting weaker, i knew i needed some sugar to boost my numbers. i made my way to the refrigerator, while sitting in the chair. My entire body was wet with sweat. i got some chocolate, in the past i would have gotten several pieces. But i am truly trying to better my health.

It takes a while for the sugar to kick in, so i grabbed a piece of bread and sat up watching a little TV to ensure i was okay. i wasn't. So i grabbed another small piece of chocolate and made my way back to the sofa, where i sleep.

i laid there for quite awhile, feeling dizzy and sweaty. A couple of hours later i was finally able to fall back to sleep.

i hate it when my blood sugar is too high, but i don't feel the effects of that (except my amputation). But when the blood sugar gets low, i get really scared. My head spins like i am drunk. My clothes get damp from the sweat. My eyes sight is fuzzy. And i'm lucky to find the strength to get myself to some chocolate or candy.

February 1, 2016

The frustration of waiting for the amputation wound to completely heal is overwhelming on my emotions. For over 6 months i have basically been confined downstairs in a 10x10 area of the house.

i've been wanting to do some cleaning upstairs, so i pulled myself up, on my butt, and used a chair to crawl around from room to room. i got a lot done, with so much more to do, but that will have to wait until i get my leg.

As i was finishing up and getting ready to come downstairs, feeling good about what i had accomplished, i got off the chair and started downstairs, but forgetting that i don't have a right leg. i stood up and quickly lost my balance, falling down about 5 steps. Hitting my head on the hand rail, bumping my left leg on the steps.

i sat there, laughing and crying, completely annoyed with this situation. i gathered my thoughts and continued scooting down the stairs on my butt. When i reached the bottom of the stairs, my sweat pants, that i have been living in for 6 months, had raised up on my leg and i noticed i had really cut up my left leg.

i don't do well looking at my own wounds. So i got onto my chair, scooting along across the floor to the bathroom. My leg was tender as i took a damp cloth to clean the wounds on my leg. Feeling a little dizzy and weak, i laid down and slept for a few hours. My head and leg throbbing.

When i woke up, my head felt better, but my leg was quite sore. Forced to hop on my left leg to get around, with the aide of my walker, was quite difficult and painful.

The next day, my leg still sore and the wound area quite red, i called my nurse and she came over to tend to it. Waiting for her, i was so worried she was going to send me to the hospital.

But thankfully, even though it is tender, i just ripped off the top layer of skin on large part of my leg. She bandaged me up and told me to stay downstairs ... which i will.

The wound on my right leg was affected, thank goodness, but still isn't ready for me to get my prosthetic.

The wound on my legs will heal, but i feel i am forever damaged emotionally and i am unsure how i will be able to recover ... if i can.

January 24, 2016

It's been six months since i took a shower.  Daily washing up with a towel at the sink.

Almost 6 months since i had my right leg amputated and watched my life completely be altered.  i've received my new leg three times, but only for a couple of days, because my wound opens up again when i wear it.  i barely leave the house, only for doctors appointments and grocery shopping, usually alone since Devon isn't around too much.  i watch life through Facebook or seated in a chair at the front door.

Getting around the house scooting around in a chair or using my walker.  Even using my walker, i've fallen a couple of times, right on my stump.  i went upstairs recently to look for something.  Lifting myself onto each step on my butt.  When i reached the top, i felt like i had a long workout.

The upstairs is carpeted, so i held onto a chair and slid myself around, walking on my knees.  Going down the stairs was so much easier and faster.

My depression is overwhelming.  i fight the urge to end all this daily.  i realize how very alone i am in this journey.  Devon has been away to China for a month and now in San Francisco, with his family.  Friends?  My neighbor Anne is the only one i hear from and just because she brings the mail over and stays for just a couple of minutes. Otherwise, i hear from no one else unless i make a comment on their Facebook post.

i've been alone much of my life, so you would think i am use to it. But i try being a good friend to others, it just isn't returned.

i leave the TV on 24/7 so i don't have to listen to my own thoughts.  i talk to SADDI, who has been gone for over 6 years. It gives me comfort, but also lets me know my voice still works.

Because i am limited in what i can do, i have gained weight, which isn't good for my diabetes.  i try to work out sitting on the sofa, but i want to walk.  i always loved walking.

With this wound still healing, honestly i don't know when, if, i will walk again.  

i miss life.  Even when i went downtown with no plan or direction, i was never bored or disappointed because i had the freedom to escape.  For six months, i have only escaped by watching others live.

Crying is a part of my day, several times during the day.  Emotionally, i am weaker than i have ever been. When, if, i get my leg back, i doubt think i will ever to be able to bring myself out of this depression.  Loneliness.  

This is my punishment for not taking action years ago to live better.  To treat myself, and others, better.  i have convinced myself that i deserve all this.