First Outing October 30, 2015

Last night was my husband's 5th anniversary of his fashion design business, DEVONATION.   i had originally planned not to go, but i didn't have my new leg.  But the day before the show i received my leg and i was feeling confident around the house, so i knew i had to go and show my support.

This was my first out since July 23, except doctors appointments and with my new leg.  i'll admit to being nervous, but excited at the same time.

Getting dressed was a work out.  My new foot and leg don't bend, so it is a struggle to get my pants on.  i even put a sock on my pole leg, so as not to attract attention.

Finally dressed, i called for an Uber and another workout awaited me as i attempted to get my leg into the small car.  After picking up some flowers for Devon, i walked to the bus stop, very cautiously.  My first time going downtown in months, it felt like i was in a new city.

It was rush hour, and still uncertain about my walking, i dodged a lot of people to transfer buses.  Getting off the bus, to get to the venue, was a little scary because it's on a hill and there were wet leaves all over the sidewalk.  With the aide of my cane, i slowly made it down the hill and over to the venue

The fashion show was well received, but i knew i had to get back home, as my body was tired.  Devon sent me home via Uber and when i was comfortable i reflected about my first true outing and how i want many many more.

Hello New Life

On July 23, 2015, i found out that i had to have my leg amputated below the knee due to a diabetic infection.  Three years of wearing a cast, several hospital visits (24 in 3 years), two long stays in adult rehabs (that truly challenged my depression) and several weeks at home basically staying in an eight foot area of the house ... today, October 29, 2015, i got my new leg.

Though it felt odd standing for the first time on both legs, it was those first few steps i took, without the aide of a walker or holding onto the railings, when i started to cry.  i walked back and forth along the runway, getting use to my leg. Most of the time, not holding onto anything, but still feeling a little unbalanced.

When i got home, i walked up the driveway to the porch with ease.  Before, basically hopping on one foot, aided by the walker, always feeling worried that i would slip on the bricks.  i placed my walker on the top step of the porch, took a deep breath and walked up the four steps ... without any problems at all.

i feel weird standing again, i think i forgot how tall i am.

No longer needing a chair to slide around in the kitchen to fix my meals.

With some physical therapy ahead of me, i need to learn to walk again.

Every step is so emotional for me

and so it begins ... ... ...

I was fitted for my new leg yesterday, it felt weird to stand up on two legs.  Though still a little unbalanced, i wanted to just walk away and be free.  But this was just a fitting, so i wasn't able to walk at all.  As they mold the leg, i should be able to be in it in a few days and learning how to walk again.

Is It Possible?

It's hard to actually believe

After so many months of questionable hope

Sofa bound

Endless trash TV

Struggles just getting around

Missing summer 2015

Missing autumn 2015

Missing daily life

Stress added to my marriage

Learning who my true friends are

Is it finally coming to an end?

 

The other day, after my doctors appointment, i was fitted with a cast for the mold to begin the process of getting a new leg.  It is possible within less than a month i will be able to get out of the house and live again.  Embrace life again.  Be reunited with my camera again.  It doesn't seem possible after everything (and nothing) that has happened over the past few months.  Over the past (over) three years since this ordeal began.

 

All that is important now is to maintain my low blood sugar numbers.  Continue exercising.  Reaching for my goals.   And ... ... ...

 

seizeEVERYmoment 

Just Do It

"It always seems impossible until it's done."

Nelson Mandela

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says

'I'm possible'!”  
 Audrey Hepburn

A Little

Yesterday i had another doctors appointment.  Weeks now, stuck in the house, unable to get out and about, circling my little area at home because the walker doesn't make me feel very secure, waiting for the wound on my stump to heal.  Will, the doctor seems confident enough that i should be able to be fitted for the beginning stages of getting my leg next week.  Although i was hoping it would be sooner, at least now there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Although i am getting more confident using the walker and hopping along on one foot, it's still an effort and too often i get too confident and nearly fall with my balance off.

 

While Devon was away for 11 days, i had to figure out how to prepare my own meals and do basic kitchen duties.  i put a dining room chair in the kitchen, and thankfully the floor was smooth enough i was able to slide around.  Though i was always worried my weight would be too much for this daily activity and the chair would collapse under me.  But it didn't and i was able to eat usually three meals a day, load/unload the dishwasher, make coffee/tea and just feel somewhat useful. 

 

During this time of waiting for the wound to heal, i didn't just sit and veg out on crap TV, although the TV was on 24/7, i did workout as best as i could.  Ever since being in the adult rehab, for 20 days, i have working to build up my upper body strength.  This has helped me so much in getting around with the walker and lifting myself from sitting positions.  i'm also seeing and feeling a difference in my arms and chest.  And it has really not been a lot of effort, i could actually be doing more.  All those years of starting and quitting so quickly, i feel so much shame in wasting my time doing so little and realizing i could have saved myself so much pain and heartache if i had just stayed focused.

 

My only concerns right now is how it will be walking with a new leg.  i struggled a bit before the amputation because of the 3 mini strokes i had last year.  Not only did it give me vertigo, but there were days when walking was an effort and sometimes scary.  i was just starting to feel comfortable and then the amputation.  i know there is still a long road of recovery and learning ahead of me, but i am facing it with confidence.

 

But i awoke this morning with a renewed hope for the future. 

T H R I V E

What you started today

 

You'll be thankful for tomorrow

Motivation

At Least i'm Laughing About It

Today i took 50mg of my torsemide pill.

(Torsemide is used to reduce extra fluid in the body (edema) caused by conditions such as heart failure, liver disease, and kidney disease. This can lessen symptoms such as shortness of breath and swelling in your arms, legs, and abdomen.

This drug is also used to treat high blood pressure. Lowering high blood pressure helps prevent strokes, heart attacks, and kidney problems.

Torsemide is a "water pill" (diuretic) that causes you to make more urine. This helps your body get rid of extra water and salt.)

Well, getting up around on one foot and using a walker, really the last thing i need to do is go to the bathroom every half hour. But i had some swelling in my left ankle (since i don't have a right ankle anymore it's obvious), so i wanted to do what i possibly could to reduce the swelling. i guess i'll just get a blanket and sleep in the bathroom tonight.

C O N T R O L

Take Back Control of Your 

Physical and Mental Health