A Little

Yesterday i had another doctors appointment.  Weeks now, stuck in the house, unable to get out and about, circling my little area at home because the walker doesn't make me feel very secure, waiting for the wound on my stump to heal.  Will, the doctor seems confident enough that i should be able to be fitted for the beginning stages of getting my leg next week.  Although i was hoping it would be sooner, at least now there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Although i am getting more confident using the walker and hopping along on one foot, it's still an effort and too often i get too confident and nearly fall with my balance off.

 

While Devon was away for 11 days, i had to figure out how to prepare my own meals and do basic kitchen duties.  i put a dining room chair in the kitchen, and thankfully the floor was smooth enough i was able to slide around.  Though i was always worried my weight would be too much for this daily activity and the chair would collapse under me.  But it didn't and i was able to eat usually three meals a day, load/unload the dishwasher, make coffee/tea and just feel somewhat useful. 

 

During this time of waiting for the wound to heal, i didn't just sit and veg out on crap TV, although the TV was on 24/7, i did workout as best as i could.  Ever since being in the adult rehab, for 20 days, i have working to build up my upper body strength.  This has helped me so much in getting around with the walker and lifting myself from sitting positions.  i'm also seeing and feeling a difference in my arms and chest.  And it has really not been a lot of effort, i could actually be doing more.  All those years of starting and quitting so quickly, i feel so much shame in wasting my time doing so little and realizing i could have saved myself so much pain and heartache if i had just stayed focused.

 

My only concerns right now is how it will be walking with a new leg.  i struggled a bit before the amputation because of the 3 mini strokes i had last year.  Not only did it give me vertigo, but there were days when walking was an effort and sometimes scary.  i was just starting to feel comfortable and then the amputation.  i know there is still a long road of recovery and learning ahead of me, but i am facing it with confidence.

 

But i awoke this morning with a renewed hope for the future.